Pathetic

I am a pretty pathetic triathlete.  I fall off my bike, swallow boats of water, and generally trip over my own two feet.  I have an arthritic knee that hates me some days.  I have arthritis in my foot where I broke it.  I am slow and probably will always be a back of the pack runner.  I am still far from my goal weight, and I do see the snickers from the other athletes who think they are in better shape than me.  The ones who look at me like I am in the wrong place. But you know what, I may be pathetic, but I am proud to be pathetic.  I never let it hold me back.  I train through the aches, the pain, with blisters and bloody toes. I keep pushing forward.  Someday hopefully I will be a little less pathetic……I will be faster, thinner less clumsy, or maybe not.  But even if I never get any better at any of the sports I train so hard for, that is ok, because I give it my all everytime. I will never regret the fact that I tried even if I fail, I will still have won.  I won’t have let my arthritis or my PCOS control me. I know there will come a time when my arthritis will prevent me from doing the things I want to.  This is a degenerative disease it will only get worse.  I know this will happen.  But for right now, I am doing the things I have always wanted to do or try.  Before I can’t. I don’t want to have regrets…..So for now I am living my life and having adventures….

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My body

Well, I had every intention of getting back on track with my training this week.  Unfortunately my body is in a rebelious mood and has other ideas.  It started Friday feeling kind of Yucky by Saturday morning, I was much worse. I basically slept all of Saturday and Sunday, and most of today to be honest.  I have a cough that won’t stop. I finally  called the Dr today. Hopefully the medicine will help and quickly.  I need to get back on track for training or I am in real trouble with my race coming up.  I can’t afford to miss anymore training time. I have already missed almost 2 weeks because of this crazy shift I was working at work.  I was on a great roll, all my times were increasing, and I know realistically I probably won’t lose that much but it still worries me some that I am not able to get it done.  I would feel better if I was getting more training in.  I know I can do it, and I need to let my body heal before I go back or I risk getting sick again or possibly injuring myself if I am not careful

Getting back to it…..

Finally things are working are getting better, I will be only working this crazy split shift, on Mondays after today, and only doing that for a few more weeks. probably no more than 2 and I will be able to get started in my new position, and get on a regular schedule.  I can’t wait, my workouts have been suffering, and pretty much non existent.  I need to get back to it, it will be easier next week.  However I will be getting back to it this weekend to get myself back on track. I can’t wait to go to the gym tomorrow, and get in a long swim, and get in a long bike and run this weekend too.  The last two weeks have been rough with my knee, it has hurt terribly since I have not been working out. The arthritis is awful.  I did get a referral to a new Ortho dr from my dr to get a second opinion. To see what my options are going forward.  I am excited about that possibility.

Crazy Ideas

So you all know by know I am one for crazy ideas and plans.  I am planning another one, that is going to take me on a crazy journey.  I am keeping this one really close to my vest for now. Just to see how things play out, to see how it develops.  I have learned when I stop trying to change and make things better, I struggle.  So here I go again changing, making a better me.  Thinking about myself and my goals, improving my fitness and lifestyle to become the person that has always been lurking inside me. To be who I have always wondered if I could be.  So stay tuned over the next few months to see the changes!!!!

Good Balance

Training for an endurance race requires you to eat carbs to fuel the workouts you are doing.  For a normal person that is fine, they can do that, me not so much.  I think that it is having the wrong effect on me.  It is tough to find not only the balance with my small stomach, but even harder is how to fuel my workouts when trying to deal with PCOS.  Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, is a disease that effects a lot of the parts of my life, there are 2 main things it affects are my hormones, and how my body processes Glucose, which is what all carbs are made from  The insulin receptors in my body do not function properly, one of the things they recommend is limiting carbs.  For the most part most of my Carbs come from healthy sources, fruits, veggies, and whole grains, but I am realistic, we all have cheats sometimes.  The issue is my body can’t tell the difference and it holds on to everything. I have hit the stage in my weight loss surgery journey, where my weight loss is all on me, I have passed the “Honeymoon stage” where it was easy to lose, now I struggle for every pound that comes off.  There is a medication that you can take that helps with the IR but it has not great side effects for me.  So I have been trying to jsut deal with it, I have noticed lately though I am not losing, and the other symptoms of my PCOS are getting worse.  Especially my anxiety, I notice I am backing away from everyone.   I made an appointment with my Dr to see if we can get some kind of handle on my PCOS, so I can get back to normal.  It’s strange I can write about it here and tell the complete strangers that are reading this what is going on, but can’t talk about it to the people I am close to.  I can’t seem to articulate it when I am face to face or even messaging with them.  I guess maybe because I never know who actually reads this, so I am not as anxious about it, because maybe no one is reading it……I can just get it out, and hopefully feel better….

Struggle

I have been working a crazy split shift at work and my training is suffering, I have just decided to get some miles in today, and than means walking my behind to work and then home again to at least get some miles in.  I got a medal in the mail for a virtual run I signed up for, so I will be knocking that one out on Saturday so I can earn that one, 13.1 here I come.  I also should be getting one for a 4 miler any day now, if that comes tomorrow I will be knocking that one out also.  I gotta figure out a way to get past this and adjust so I can get back on track. My knee is killing me because I haven’t worked out in a couple days and the lack of movement is the issue.  Back at it now…gotta get moving.

A Push

I have been sick for a week.  I had a race coming up, and I did not know how I would finish it.  Honestly, I didn’t know how much support I truly had until this morning. Between the messages and Facebook posts wishing me luck I felt very blessed. So here is my report on how the race went.  It was a very organized race, those people knew what they were doing and things moved along well.  We started a little early, and we were ready for the climb.  I had put my headphones in to listen to a book to help distract me.  I started out too fast in tower 1, and thought my lungs were going to explode.  Then I decided to take breaks ever few floors, that helped a lot.  When I got to the top of tower 1, I decided to stop after tower 2, I didn’t think I could possibly do all 4, I was coughing and having trouble breathing.  Then I did tower  2 and realized it only took me 20 minutes.  20 Minutes to climb 45 FLOORS!  I thought, I can do another one.  I really struggled in tower 3 breathing was tough, and by then I was well over 100 flights of stairs.  As I neared the top I stopped for one of my breaks looked at my watch and thought I don’t have another one in me….I just didn’t think I did. Then I heard Kelly in my head telling me, to keep moving and get out of my own head, that I could do it. So when I got to the top, instead of stopping, I followed the other climbers to the elevator.  Down we went to go up again, and someone made a joke, about how we all were stinky and they felt bad for the elevator operator.  I started tower 4 realizing my legs weren’t my issue, it was my lungs that were on fire, and I was still coughing.  I was slower on this one, but I just kept going taking extra water at teh aid stations, to help my sore throat that I was getting from the coughing.  When I finally got to the top it was the most beautiful sight to see the person standing there to cut off my timing chip. Something in a billion years I never thought I would be able to do I had done, and done it fairly well,  I am waiting for the results to be posted, but I think I was somewhere around 1:30 to finish.  My throat is killing me and I am still coughing, but I did it, now on to my first half of the year in 4 weeks!

First BIG race of the season

Sunday is my first big race.   It’s the stair climb at Presidential towers.  I will be running it (maybe) with 3 other ladies from Chicago RunJunkees.  I’m not convinced how well I will do but Wanda says I can do it.   It’s not my first race of the year,  it’s my 3rd, but 4 towers 45 flights each tower is a big race, at least for me.   I’ve been sick all week,  which makes me nervous I  need to be able to breathe, but in a way it’s  been a good thing it has forced me to relax some and rest my legs.   I’m planning a swim tomorrow and bike sat morning.   I’m proud to do this race it supports the American Lung Association and my dad has emphysema, so this cause is close to my heart.   I will be repping my running group Michigan Runners by wearing my shirt that Matt helped me design as a way to fundraise.   Michigan Runners helped me surpass my fundraising goal between the shirt and a donation from one of the members Brandon. I’m am super grateful to have found this group.   They have been a huge source of running support for me even though I’m not even in the same state. ..lol.   So Sunday I will hop a train into Chicago, and do my best to make everyone who supports me proud.  Wish me luck!

Standing up!

I need to get better at standing up for myself.  I just do.  I am too nice, and I let people walk all over me.  I have been working on it. Putting distance between myself and the people who are not supporting my journey, or treating me not the way I deserve to be treated.  The sad part some of them have not even noticed. Which I guess just reinforces the fact that I am not important to them unless they need me for something.  I have noticed lately people seem to be on my case a lot, and I am just not taking it anymore.  People who are important to me I will keep putting in the effort, it may not be everyday or even every week, but I hope that they know I am still around.  It is tough when my training plan calls for so much of my day and free time. It is only going to increase, as my plan increases, on a positive note, next week I get 2 rest days rather than one, but even on rest days I need a walk or something. To keep my knee from being in pain, it is a balance.  There have been some snarky comments, about how much time I spend at the gym, and to those people I say piss off….I spend the time at the gym my training plan calls for, no more no less, with the exception of if I throw a yoga or body flow class in to help me stretch. I am training for a huge race, and while I love the people in my life I have to focus on that. The people who are giving me flack for all the time I spend at the gym, need to shut it, or stay off my page.  I am not taking anymore nasty comments or snide remarks from anyone. So think before you comment on anything I post, because I am going to start deleting.  I have already started leaving groups on Facebook, and I am not done yet. I am over drama and people who aren’t supporting my journey.  I have started posting less and less, because there are more not supporting that ones that are supporting me.  Which is sad, because I am doing something that in my book is totally epic.  It makes me sad that people aren’t supporting that.  So to all of you who have told me I inspire you, and especially the ones who tell me I can do this even when you think I am totally nuts.  I appreciate you!  More than you will ever know. You have kept me going on the days I want to give it all up.  You have told me it is OK to take an extra day here and there when I am sick.  Push me when I get in my head and want to quit.  I am thankful for you that are there when I just need you to be there…..