In my own way

I think my training is getting to me.  I am very irritable…. very irritable. I find myself staying away from people because I am cranky all the time.  My race is soon less than a month away, but the closer I get the more nervous I get, and the crankier I get…..lol I feel bad for all the people in my life who have to deal with me.  I don’t do it on purpose, but I also can’t seem to help it.  Hopefully I will be back to normal soon……I am getting enough sleep, I think it is nerves.  I am afraid, of failing, of hurting myself.  I need to have more faith in myself, and my training. I started in November.  I can do this, I need to get out of my own head and my own way.  That is how I will fail on race day by getting in my own way, I will defeat myself before I even start.

 

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Dread

I did my first OWS of the year this weekend in Nashville thankfully the water was nice except a few cold spots.  It was a struggle, my lungs were not feeling the best.  I did mostly breast stroke. I really need to work on my free style, need to get some major pool time in this next couple weeks.  one month from today is THE RACE……I also realize that I am going to freeze, if I don’t get a wet suit.  So unless I win the lottery, or someone wants to sponsor a back of the pack Triathlete, I will be renting one.  I found a place that rents them, it is a 45 min drive, and you can rent for a week at a time.  I am hoping they will have them in the next couple weeks so I can get some practice in, before I have to rent it for the race. I will have to rent twice to do it.  I have never used one before so I want to test it out.  I am worried that I will panic in it, so I want to get that out of the way before race day.  I know I will struggle enough that day without adding to it.  I think my nerves are starting to get to me…..

The Devil!

I swear clipping in on my bike is the devil…..lol, I know I will get used to it, and it will get easier the more I ride.  Right now though, I cuss at my bike more often then not….I consider a ride a win, if I only fall off twice. Saturday for example.  I was riding along, and about 5 minutes into the ride, down I went.  I went very hard too, I have some spectacular bruises. especially on my my hip, and calf.  I bent my handlebars, and twisted my seat.I managed to put everything back to where it should be.  Dusted myself off and got back on and managed to make it 6 more miles without falling. So that was a win of a ride in my book…..lol.  I know I will get there, just need to keep going.I used to say swimming freestyle was the devil, and I am getting way better at that with practice…there is hope for me yet. 6 weeks to the race…..it will be here before I know it.  But no matter what I  will give it my all in the training, and in the race.

Can I? Of course I can!

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Less than 7 weeks and I will be lining up for this race.  I have faced a lot of challenges leading up to this, and I am sure there will be more to come before race day.  From dealing with how to fuel my workouts because of the size of my stomach from my weight loss surgery, to getting pneumonia, and missing over a month of training.  I am trying to move forward in my training, and get myself ready to finish. I know that I will suffer some leading up to race day getting myself ready.  I will fall off my bike when I am learning to clip in, but I will get back up.  I will be sore from running, and swimming, but I will keep going.  Some people say I am crazy, I shouldn’t be working out so hard or so much, but it is something I love, even when I am sore, and tired I still want to do it the next day. The truth is I am determined, and have the drive to get where I want to go.  I am stubborn, and hard-headed, but I never give up when I want to finish something.  After I finish this race, I have my sights set on redemption, last year I had my first ever DNF in a race in Milwaukee, that I was pulled my EMS because of dehydration.  That race is my next big one, the one I will beat this year, it won’t beat me again.  But first I will conquer my first 70.3.  I will finish and I will do it in under the cut off time……I have faith in myself even when everyone around me tells me I am crazy, and can’t do it…..