A lesson I should learn……

 

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People who know me well, will tell you I would do anything for my friends.  I have done crazy things to help a friend out.  It is who I am, I enjoy being there for people. I have always been that way. I am guarded, but once I let you in, I would do just about anything for you.  This week, I learned a few things about people I had let get close to me.  Things that made me realize that they were not the people I thought.  Some of this information was accidentally given to me because the person I was talking to thought I already knew. I don’t put my faith in a lot of people and this is making me question my judgement.  I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character.  I have some serious doubts about that now.  Over the last 2 years, I have met some amazing people, that I have shared equally amazing things with.  I wouldn’t trade any of the experiences for the world, they let me to learn things about myself that I never thought I could do or be.  Having said that though, I think maybe I need to take a step back from some of the people I have been letting get so close to me, because it has become very apparent this week, that some of them are toxic, and I didn’t see it. What people don’t know about me because I hide it well, I have social anxiety, I hate crowds, and would rather be home.  It is a fight some days to leave the quiet of my bedroom.  so rather than let what happened this week send me back there.  I will keep moving forward, but in a different way, I will start doing the things I need to do, but count on myself, and not be so wrapped up in who will be a part of what ever it is I am doing.  I am just going to enjoy the ride, and if someone joins me great, if not, that is fine too.  I have to make the things I do more about me and what I want. To enjoy my path and not let someone else’s path influence me.  So as I get ready for next week’s race, I found a  place to crash for a reasonable price, for sat and sun nights, so I won’t have to drive over 2 hours in the morning to get there, and I am pretty sure I won’t want to drive 2+ hours home after the race lol…… Here’s to seeing where the ride takes me……

 

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Down…but not out

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I feel exactly like this picture looks.  I haven’t been able to really run or do much of anything for almost 3 weeks now.   I’ve been having some serious stomach issues,  that have been causing me serious pain.  It hurts when I eat,  and most other times it aches.   The Dr’s have done all kinds of tests.   Friday was the big one they did a scope.   I was most worried something was wrong with my sleeve.  Thankfully there wasn’t.  However there was a lot of inflammation from my esophagus through my stomach.   The Dr took some biopsies, I’ll know the results Thursday or so.  He also gave me medicine to get rid of the inflammation.  He said it was not going to work overnight,  but I should start feeling better soon.   I’ve mainly slept this weekend,  I’m struggling to get rid of the anesthesia I think.  Today however  I’m looking 2 weeks into the future and realizing I have a big race coming.   Will I finish? I don’t know but I sure as hell plan to start.  So I ordered myself some gaiters since it’s a trail race.   I had hoped to have enough saved by now to order the Orange Mud hydration system I’ve been eyeing, but all the copays I’ve been shelling out. ….it will have to wait.   I had a good base built up before I got sick.   I’m hoping that will carry me through the race in time to beat the cutoff. If not I’ll still finish regardless, I’ve worked to hard to stop.   After this race I’ll be turning a closer eye to next season.   Getting gear I  need,  and training with a coach who I think is an amazing fit for me.   No matter what the results of the biopsies show.   I may get knocked down,  but never, ever count me out.

Slipping out of rhythm…..

I hate when something disrupts my training plans, I seem to struggle when I get off track. Adjusting to my new school schedule has been tough, and now I seem to be battling a stomach bug.  It is zapping my energy, and so I am going to the doctor tomorrow to get myself checked out. I have a race this weekend, that I am rather excited for mainly because it is an awesome cause, that I think is important.  Check it out, I think there is still time to register http://www.volitionamerica.com/  they raise money to provide educational financial assistance for families who have lost or have a wounded service member.  I love to race, it is one of my favorite things.  I always try to find races though that serve a good purpose, or at least ones that are a good purpose in my opinion, that way I can do something I love, and help someone deserving at the same time.  I do several races every year that benefit charities that assist service members and their families.  They sacrifice so much not just the service members, but the families also.  I think it is very important that they get all the support we can offer them.  It is just a small way I can show my appreciation for all the sacrifices that they make.  Happy Running!