Fear

Tomorrow is the day.   As I got everything ready today I asked myself am I ready?  Can I do this?   Will all the training I missed because I was sick affect me too badly?   This has been racing through my head all day.   50k is a long distance.  I’m worried about it,  alot.  I’m worried about making the cutoff and getting pulled.   I just want to finish something I’ve been training so hard for,  until I  got sick.  I spoke to the race director,  he’s allowing me to start with the 50mile runners to give me a little extra time.  I told him I don’t even care if I’m listed as an official finisher.  I just want to finish.   However I’m not going to injure myself to do it.   I promised my friend Matt I would drop if I  had any issues.  Which I will.  I am feeling good though,  thankfully some of the stuff I  have been using to train with for my nutrition is gluten free so i won’t be doing anything crazy or new on race day.   That is something anyone who races will tell you. ….Nothing new on race day ever! You are just setting yourself up for disaster. I’ve checked my list I think I have everything I will need.   I will be going to bed early tonight,  not sure how much sleep I’ll get,  but I’ll at least rest.   My next post will be a race report. Good or bad race.   I’ve decided to just accept what happens and enjoy the experience.

 

 

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Feelings…..

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Ok, I have to vent a little here, I have feelings LOTS of them.  I feel things pretty deeply. I am empathetic to others, and can usually understand how they feel.  I am so tired of people telling me to not let stuff bother me, or get over it.  My feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s.  Yes this weekend I have a huge race, and yes I am more emotional than normal, but let’s be honest anyone who has known me long will tell you, I have always been emotional.  It is part of who I am.  The people in my close circle know this about me, one of my friends talks me off some emotional ledge at least once a week.  I don’t ask that you understand my feelings, I ask that you respect them, and listen to me without dismissing my feelings.  When that happens, I shut down.  I back away from you.  So if you haven’t heard much from me lately, ask yourself why……. I try to be a good friend and listen when people need me, and support them as much as I can.  It hurts me, when someone who claims to be my friend can’t be bothered to be there for me even a little.  This week I did a major purge on my Facebook page, I deleted a crap ton of people.  I am cleaning people out of my life that are not a positive influence on it.  Whether online or in real life.  I let too many people take advantage of how giving I can be, and then I am left with nothing to give and very few people there to help me.  I feel things….if you are my friend try to respect them even if you don’t understand them.  Support me when I need it, that is all I ask.  Like I told my friend Jason this week, from here on out, either you are on Team Debbie or you aren’t.  I am seeing lately a lot of people who aren’t……..I understand some people aren’t like me.  I do get that, but the same people can’t seem to get that I am not like them.  Sometimes I just need a good cry, laugh. hug whatever……

 

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Overcoming Challenges

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Well I got the results back from my biopsy…..starting now, I need to eliminate the gluten from my diet and my doctor said that should clear up my stomach issues that I am having.  So I talked to the Dietician at school, and she gave me  some ideas about where to start, because honestly that will change a lot of the way I fuel during races.  I am very glad to be in the amazing program I am in at my college for Exercise Science, we have amazing faculty. It is a small program, and I am blessed to have an RD as a professor, who not only works with athletes, but is willing to help me.   So I am changing the diet, and logging all my food, and I will meet with her again in a few weeks to see how I am doing and if it is working well.  This is all new territory for me, and I can already see I am going to have to work on  balancing my macros eating such a lower carb diet.  I have a feeling I will be eating a lot more fruits and veggies, I eat a lot now, but I think I will be upping that. buying gluten free things is expensive.  So I will be trying to eat as few processed things as possible.   I can do this, I know I can, it is just a matter of research and planning.  I am pretty good with both of those things.  While I have not been diagnosed as a Celiac, my diagnosis is a gluten sensitivity, which I am told is pretty common in women with PCOS.  I am also working on ways to reduce my stress.  Coping strategies and such, since stress can make the symptoms worse.   These are all new things I am facing now, and like any of the other challenges I have had in my life I will overcome them and succeed, one foot in front of the other.  So anyone who wants to send me tips or advice, I know I have some amazing friends who suffer with this I will accept all of it!