The Hot Mess Express…….

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This week I am giving hot mess a new meaning….. ūüė¶ ¬†They changed my hours slightly at work, so I am not getting a nap before school, which is making staying awake in class hard to say the least….lol especially my biology class, she about puts me to sleep every single time. ¬†Monday I added a bike workout to my swim because I was going to be time crunched on Wednesday. ¬†I get to the gym, get the bike done, and I was so looking forward to my swim, and looked in my gym bag no swimsuit…. ūüė¶ ¬†I also had an ingrown toenail that was bothering me, I removed it and but a bandaid on it. ¬†Well by Tuesday night my toe was infected. ¬†So i cleaned the crap out of it, and bandaged it up with Neosporin, and got my run in, without a watch, because I forgot to charge the dumb thing. ¬†See….hot mess. and it just kept getting better…. today I had a bike workout since Scott said I probably shouldn’t swim with an infected toe. ¬†It was beautiful today, so after my class, and photo shoot for the college, I decided to take a little nap and then go ride. ¬†except I set my alarm for am instead of PM, and only woke up because my regular work alarm went off at 10:30 pm…..so that was like the 40th epic fail of my week……….tomorrow I vow to get my shit together, and get my training in, and get done what I need to…..and I just realized I have a quiz due at 9 am I haven’t even looked at……ugg… I need to get it together this week…..Tomorrow is a new day right? ¬†For all the people who say to me I don’t know how you do it…..some days I don’t clearly…..Happy training ‚̧

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Race ready

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I have a countdown app on my phone, so I can see when my big races are coming……today I looked at and realized there are only 17 weeks left until my 70.3. ¬†Then I realized it was this time last year when I ended up in the ER coughing up blood because I had pneumonia so bad. ¬†That sickness derailed my entire racing season last year. ¬†This year I am doing my best to stay healthy, and keep that issue away. ¬†So today I panicked thinking about it… Scott my coach probably thinks I am crazy after the email I sent him at 3 am…..Then 5 minutes later I was looking at goals for next year. ¬†I have officially entered the losing my mind stage. ¬†His response to my email was simple:

“If we keep being consistent you will be ready. We have a ton of time.”
Scott

 

I think hiring a good coach was the best decision I made for this season, I mean sure sometimes on Sunday I am a little scared to open Training Peaks to see what is in store….of course most athletes¬†I know with coaches have the same fear…lol. ¬†I do my best to get through it all, and some weeks it is a lot. ¬†I mean we are only half way through February and I am well on my way to 300 bike miles this month…..I am working hard, and I hope it is showing in my training logs. ¬†I feel a lot stronger, but I must admit working out 7 days a week is not an easy thing. ¬†I never thought the training would be easy, but if I am one thing it is determined, and focused……sometimes to my own detriment. I hear all the time that I am too busy and all I think about is the gym, but I am ok with that, it is what I want to be doing. ¬†I have spent way too much of my life ¬†trying to make other people happy or fix things, so I am focusing on me, and well it is pissing people off, and to be honest….I am ok with that. ¬†I need to focus on what I want so I stop getting lost in the shuffle. ¬†Focus on making me happy……..happy training ! <3<3

 

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She won’t leave me alone……

Lately I have been struggling a lot. ¬†When I look in the mirror or when I walk past a window, I see her….the girl I used to be. The fat girl, that I always was. ¬†I have been fighting to put her back in her box in my mind where she belongs, but she’s been fighting me hard to stay in my head. ¬†I am not sure how she got out, I am usually pretty good at ignoring her. Lately though…..she seems to be in my head telling me I can’t do it. ¬†That I am too big still, that I will never get to my goal. ¬†Having weight loss surgery screws with your mind, sometimes more than others. ¬†I have been working very hard on my training, and getting it in. ¬†My diet however has been a struggle, taking in enough calories to support my training is hard, when I am not supposed to drink within 30 min before I eat and 30 min after. ¬†On a good day I can eat a cup to a cup and a half in one sitting. ¬†So some days it feels like I am eating all day. ¬†I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, it makes things worse, but that is a trap I have been falling into lately. ¬†I need to break that habit and realize I am not the same as them. ¬†Yes, I still have a ways to go to get to my goal, but I am making amazing things happen through the work I am putting in. ¬†I need to give myself more credit for the work I am putting in. ¬†I need to shut her down, not let her get to me because if I don’t sooner or later I will be sabotaging myself. ¬†Happy Training ‚̧

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