Life Lessons….or not….

 

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I was talking to someone today, and I realized how happy I am in my training, how much I like it.  I love the feeling after a hard workout, where I can barely walk.  I sleep way more restfully that is for sure, as fact I have been painfully aware of these last few weeks while I have been sick, I have slept awfully, since I have been back to regular workouts, I sleep like the dead literally, I think a bomb could go off next to me and it would not wake me up…lol. I am also working on a paper for my Sociology of Sport Class. It is a Sportography.  We have to back to the earliest memories we have of sports and physical games, and make connections to how race, ethnicity, gender and social backgrounds affected our experiences.  For me thinking back that far doesn’t bring happy memories.  It makes me think of always being picked last in gym or recess because I was always overweight. Or playing softball in the summer and being made fun because I was so big, and always stuck out in right field.   I loved softball, but after a couple summers, I lost that love, it wasn’t fun to be made fun of and treated that way. So I quit…. And I got less and less active as I got older. Then one day in 2009 a friend (who runs marathons) called me up and said do 5k with me…..my first thought.  I can’t do that I am too big, too out of shape…. Well as she has been doing since we were 12, she talked me into doing something I didn’t want to do……So on a chilly day in April, I put on the race shirt and got in her car.  That was my first race; little did I know it would not be my last. I walked the whole race, and looked around me, I realized, there were a lot of people walking, that no one was judging me because I was walking.  No one was laughing and pointing at the fat girl struggling to go 3.1 miles.    That was when I got hooked.  Over time it led to mud runs, more 5k’s  10 k’s  and I still couldn’t lose weight no matter how well I trained, how well I ate, I stayed within the same 10 lbs.  I pushed myself harder than I probably should have, I did a mud run with bursitis in my hip, and a 10k with a broken foot( I didn’t know it was broken)  All this training and wanting to get better and do more, led to me eventually making my decision to have my weight loss surgery.  My doctor and I talked about it a lot, and we were both confident that I had exhausted all the other avenues, and my PCOS was the culprit that was keeping me from getting anywhere.  So I had the surgery, and since I am kind of Nutso, 9 weeks after having 85% of my stomach removed I did my first half marathon.  I did my first tri as an indoor race, I just wanted to see how I would do….I loved it, and I wanted to do more.  That has led me to where I am now in my journey.  Am I where I want to be with my body?  Nope, am I content where I am? Yes, I am working on changing my body I am lifting more weights, adding more muscle.  Do I succeed at everything I attempt?  Nope….but I always give it my best.  I have learned to listen to my body a little better, and not push when I shouldn’t.  Sometimes I put way too much faith in people, sometimes I get hurt.  But the thing is if I let you close enough to hurt me it means you had an amazing impact in my life.  How it ended between us, or didn’t end, I will never be the one to sever ties, because if you were important to get close to me, you will always be important to me, I will always want the best for you and will always be there when you need me.  People come and go in our lives, but the ones who truly belong tend to drift back into our lives when the time is right.     The person who talked me into that first 5k is a perfect example of someone who drifts in and out of my life.  I will always be there when she needs me though.   I am focusing on the things I like and what makes me happy, and that has brought some amazing people into my life, it has also taught me some lessons.  But good or bad, I will never stop…… I will never let my past hold me back from the future…..Happy Training <3<3

 

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Reset…..

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Well now that I have answers and a little relief from some of the issues with my breathing and stuff, I can start getting back to my training.  Which let’s face it will make me way less crabby.   So I started last night, my Sunday run went ok, slow, but it has been a long 2 months.  Today well today was supposed to be a swim day, but well, it was almost 70 degrees, so I asked my dear coach ever so nicely if I could switch and do my bike and run today.  His response: “good call get outside.” So I hopped on my old road bike, with an anticipated hour long ride in zone one…..well let’s just say this did not go well.  I could not get my heart rate or my breathing under control, at all.  I have lost a lot of what my improvements I had made before Bronchitis 1 in January or was it sinus infection 1.  I can’t remember.  I called the bike early, I took off for my run, which was slow, and I walked more than I wanted to, but I guess getting out there was half the battle.  Tomorrow, I will face the swim, and I will give it the best I have.  I know I have a long road back ahead of me, but I will get there.  I am going to think of it as a reset instead of a setback.  If I start the process with a negative attitude, then that is the attitude I will have going forward.  I prefer to think of it as a rest, because that is a positive thing.  So tomorrow I will put on my swim suit, strap on my goggles, and swim…..and the day after do the next workout.  I will put my faith in the people in my life who are on my team to do what they do best.  My coach to push and help me improve, my dietitian to make sure I am getting what I need, when I need it to fuel my workouts and my body, my doctors to help me get past these sinus issues.  But most importantly I will put my faith in myself….I can do this, I can achieve my goals!  Happy Training <3<3

 

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Answers?

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As I’m laying here in bed trying to get some motivation to get up and go to class, even though my head is killing me, and my sinuses and ear hurt.  I’m going to be totally miserable by Wed. I can’t take this whole long list of medicine before my allergy tests and CT scan of my sinuses. So they can get accurate results and hopefully get an answer as to why I’m so sick all the time. I already know this is going to be the longest 3 days ever. Hopefully this will lead to answers that will fix whatever is wrong. To get me back on track with training.  I’ve already decided the A race I had planned, well that’s not in the cards right now until I’m healthy I don’t want to risk injury by training when I’m sick, or racing while I’ve undertrained.  So Scott and I talked about it and we’ve picked a different race later in the season. That should mean I will have time to train assuming this is fixed. I’m so frustrated with this whole thing. I’m so tired of being sick. It takes most of my energy to get through the day most days. Some days I push and get a workout of some kind in, but swimming….. That is the hardest part. Especially with the constant ear aches.  Here’s hoping Wednesday brings answers…… I may not get there the way I wanted or in my original time frame but I’ll get there